The Strange Intervention Of Sir Wollington-Wroxley-Wribble.

© 1991 Stephen Hunt (UK)

Print this one out? Approx 12 pages of A4 text

Dirsput Disc Extract: First year tutorial - Imperium College School of Conculture

Nereus (-rus). Temperate Class Ter3 World.

Following it's discovery by the Scout INS Glory Hall during the reign of Emperor Percy II 'The Enactor', Nereus was rapidly absorbed within the body politic of the Humanitum. Originally notable only for its main export item, Calaksa (Crossref Bio.34567NER), this planet's commercial and political fortunes were assured when the seat of the Imperium Departax Governance was shifted here during the period of the infamous Vantes Dichotomy. Ranked only behind the Imperial Palace as the Humanitum's greatest in-grav construct, the IDG complex currently occupies an area slightly greater than the Terran continent of Afrika. The ease with which individuals rapidly navigate it's passages remains an eternal tribute to the brilliance of the Emperor's personal architects.

Two days! Two bloody days it's taken me to get there," the distant voice called.

 "It's him. It is, by the balcony," cackled Slopfoot.

 "Currency adjustments," retorted Wingemost, pulling up from behind his work cube."Twenty giga-tonnes of Dorian shillings into Astraii before lunch."

 Slopfoot hooted, his eyes shifting across the hall for any sign of their supervisor. "He's coming again. Only when he wants something, you'll see."

 "Ah! in here now, blast your eyes," bellowed the resonant voice, louder this time.

  As predicted, the barrel-chested source of the sound rode into Slopfoot and Wingemost's chamber, piggy eyes blinking a semaphore to the squadron of glow-globes hovering over the desks far below.

 "Sir W, are you down there? Bloody damn lights. Can't see a bally thing."

 "Terrible," echoed one of the lord's retainer.

 "Insufferable," agreed another.

 "Shocking," called the third.

 Slopfoot whispered: "Got the goblins with him he has."

 Wingemost answered quickly without glancing up from his desk. "Shut it down, here comes the Super."

 Count Citroen-Nissan and his entourage of cowled lackies swept imperiously down the worn stone steps, the Count's velvet cloak flapping violently from side to side as his not in significant weight shifted from one cracked tread to the next.

 At the bottom of the staircase, the approaching supervisor, a bleak gray man named Drover, was almost bowled over as the mismatched group forged ahead.

 "Wollington, Wollington. Come forth damn you. I didn't spend two days finding you, to be ignored."

 "Count Citroen-Nissan," a steady voice answered. "To your right, my dear boy, to your right."

 Swine eyes tracked the words, stopping at a shiny desk almost touching the far wall. Underneath a dimly illuminated portrait of the current Emperor, the Count's gaze settled on the distinguished-looking focus of his mission.

 "Responsibility?" Roared Citroen-Nissan, advancing on the desk, it's surface cluttered with Dirsput discs, plastic papers, and a black work-cube moulded into the unit's corner. "Responsibility my mistress's innate ability to hypershift, Sir W. It's the House's dividend flow that is on the line. The lines of influence are shifting, shifting perilously far away, you hear?"

 With a calm hand, Sir Wollington-Wroxley-Wribble tweaked his tidy goatee beard and gazed up into the noble's minuscule green eyes - a slight smile twitching at the corners of the knight's mouth. "Oh dear oh dear, please do elucidate, Count."

 "Baroness Taunton," Citroen-Nissan explained angrily, "has gone and bloody died. a vortabeast pounced on her while she was on Safari on Myelwa. If I told Taunton once I told her a thousand times, you can't hunt with bloody slice rifles."

Sir W adjusted his monocle, nodding sagely in agreement. "How very true, Count. Assassin's arms were quite unsuitable for a person of her breeding."

 "Well now the inconsiderate strumpet has gone, her thrice-cursed chair on the Dromeda Cartel is up for renewal. renewal, you understand? Von Kennedy is pressing hard for the Departax to nominate one of his damn Liberalists to the position. A Liberalist on the Cartel Board! The very thought is enough to reduce one to gibbering incredulation."

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