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Skaters, Trekkies And Cool Dudes (The Divine Cock-up Trilogy book 1) by Derek Lawrence
01/05/2007 . Source: Joules Taylor 
pub: FrontList Books/Soft Editions. 231 page enlarged paperback. Price: £ 7.99 (UK). ISBN: 1-84350-098-1. Buy Skaters, Trekkies And Cool Dudes in the USA - or Buy Skaters, Trekkies And Cool Dudes in the UK  check out website: www.frontlistbooks.co.uk
'When God and Lucifer go missing and Heaven and Hell start to descend into chaos, the Joint Darkness and Light Emergency Committee decides that urgent action is needed...' (back cover blurb)
I think that most people like to believe that there's some sort of logic and order to the universe. It makes life easier to cope with. Me? I'm not so sure.
Which could be why I loved this book so much. It takes every sombre thought anyone might ever have had about Abrahamic religion, turns it upside down and JUMPS on it. In hobnailed boots!
'Now many unusual and strange scenes have been witnessed in and around the celestial offices over time immemorial, some, it must be said, far more memorable than others. For example, take the time Lucifer attempted to make Hell a registered charity to avoid the Dark Committee's new heating tax; or the day Moses had to explain why he had engraved 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's Marijuana plants' as the eleventh commandment.' (p12)
It's very tempting to turn the whole review into a series of quotes from the book - there's something screamingly funny and infinitely quotable on every page (just about). However...
Without the Bosses, the bureaucracies that run Heaven and Hell are beginning to break down and the urgent action that the Joint Committee chooses to take is to send a joint team of inhabitants to Earth to find and retrieve them. Lumbered with the job are four... beings:
The Archangel Gabriel, who is a more or less OK sort of type, a bit short-tempered and not really at home in present day England, who seems to think an immaculate pin-striped grey suit, Union Jack Doc Martens, multiple facial piercings and an eight-inch red, white and blue Mohican is a good disguise for an angel on a mission...
I suppose he could have a point, I would think twice before bothering someone who looked like that...
Oh, and he has an irrational and overpowering fear of cockroaches. Well, got to have some sort of character flaw!
And the head of the cherub "whose chosen name was Marcus Enderholt the Third, or Randy to his friends." (p10) Yes, just the head. It's a short story, told in full detail in the first chapter. Read the book, you know I try not to give spoilers!
And from Hell's side:
The gargoyle ('a level 12 demon from the Chasm of Endless Torment') Master Embram Ferret Frightener is actually a decent sort of chap, face like a 'bad tempered Komodo dragon on a Monday morning, and a set of teeth that would make a Nile alligator cry with envy' (p 22) but pleasant enough in his own way. He does have two problems though. Firstly, he's afraid of fire. Secondly is the fourth...being...on the team.
Embram has a pet. Not, as you'd expect, a hideous beast from the pit. No. Embram's pet is a miniature blue-rinse poodle named Fifi Lamoure.
Actually, as far as I'm concerned, that does count as a hideous beast from the pit. Give me a wolfhound any day. However, Embram assumes the disguise of a grungy skateboarder, complete with hoodie and baseball cap. And Fifi? 'It must be a sign of the times that no one takes any notice of a blue-rinse poodle in designer sunglasses riding a fluorescent green skateboard.' (p 99)
This motley bunch arrive in Worcester, UK, to hunt down God, currently calling himself Gerald, and Lucifer, currently calling himself Samuel. Unfortunately, Gabriel and Co. aren't the only beings seeking the Bosses and the other agency has a far more sinister purpose...
The story is quite complex, involving double and triple crosses, a variety of nefarious doings and suspenseful moments with some thought-provoking and eye-opening concepts mixed in with the breakneck pace and sheer hilarity. If you take your religion at all seriously you'll probably hate this book. All the more reason to read it, as far as I'm concerned. It does a great job of puncturing a few sacred cows - metaphors deliberately mixed. For the open-minded with a keen sense of the absurd it's a (literally) wickedly funny read and I can't wait for the next volume.
If nothing else, I want to see if Gabriel actually does get the M16 assault rifle he's been trying to requisition to replace his sword...
Joules Taylor
http://www.wavewrights.com
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