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Sahara: Frank's Take
01/05/2005 . Source: Frank Ochieng 
There’s no doubt that the action-adventure Sahara will leave a parched sensation in one’s dry throat, says Frank. Director Breck Eisner (son of Disney head honcho Michael) helms a predictable and half-baked harried suspense thriller that settles for flashy B-movie mediocrity. Buy Sahara in the USA - or Buy Sahara in the UK  2 hours.Paramount Pictures 2005. Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, Steve Zahn, Lambert Wilson, Lennie James, Delroy Lindo, William H. Macy. Directed by: Breck Eisner.
Relentlessly bombastic in its silliness, Sahara tries so hard to ride its cockeyed coattails by serving up a series of colorful explosions and stilted banter. Still, Eisner’s disjointed desert drama feels woefully overwrought in its excitable presentation.
In fact, the hackneyed Sahara invites the automatic cinematic comparison to the previous box office hit National Treasure that pretty much shares the same kind of Indiana Jones-induced swashbuckling vibe. The only glaring difference is that Treasure knew how to carry off its self-deprecating verve with effortless glee.
Sahara is based on Clive Cussler’s wildly popular novel. This dippy dry spell of a flick wraps its arms around the awkward forced humor while morphing into a recycled buddy-buddy vehicle that’s about as welcoming as hugging a cactus tree. Despite the scenic African landscapes and overall adventurous scope of this empty-headed hedonistic fantasy, Eisner musters up a mindless atmospheric spectacle that wouldn’t challenge the giddy gumption of a nostalgic Bob Hope/Bing Crosby “Road” farce.
This historical piece of hogwash follows the exaggerated exploits of National Underwater and Marine Agency’s meticulously tanned treasure hunter Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) and his wise-cracking sidekick Al Giordino (Steve Zahn). The traveling tandem are accompanied by cute and curvy Dr. Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz), a World Health Organization associate.
Together, the trio must tackle a couple of overwhelming obstacles during their hectic stay in Northern Africa. First, there’s an ominous plague that is crippling the local people in the area. Secondly, Dirk holds the belief that there’s a highly touted armored ship to be found and it may very well be buried beneath the spacious confines of the steaming Sahara Desert. This revered ironclad battleship is believed to be an American Civil War product.
While Dirk and his trusty cohorts do all they can to fulfill their agendas, a dastardly duo threatens to usurp their exploratory efforts. West African warlord General Kazim (Lennie James) and an unctuous French industrialist (Lambert Wilson) are the tumultuous tag team that may have sparked a critically massive ecological disaster looking to handcuff the vulnerable global environment.
As lifelong buddies, Dirk and Al are extremely competitive as animated explorers working for a former U.S. naval commanding officer (William H. Macy) and CIA operative (Delroy Lindo). And with the luscious-looking Eva joined at their bickering hips, it doesn’t take long for the crafty cads to trade insulting barbs and stock one-liners while fighting for the affections of their medical hot-to-trot hanger-on. Throughout this numbing testosterone-driven tale, we watch as a buff Dirk and acerbic-tongued Al wade through a series of over-the-top gunplay and other sensationalistic ammunition-related nonsense while the film fails to address any genuine or substantive moments amongst the cavalier cartoon-style recklessness.
To say that Sahara is a banal and brainless actioner without a logical pulse in its arm would be stating the obvious. Eisner shows contempt for his punctuated project by not tapping into the essence and allure of the Dark Continent’s stunning exotic beauty. The moviemaking hack is so busy concocting a preposterous premise in this toothless daredevil drivel that he doesn’t find the need to elaborate on the cultural cadence of the African scenery to properly tell his overproduced synthetic story.
The Africans and their homeland merely serve as a trivial backstop prop for privileged gung-ho foreigners to use as a baseless “blast ‘em up real good” amusement park. And the jingoistic idea that these rollicking American saviors in the form of hunky he-man Dirk Pitt arriving on the scene to inject their westernized version of “emotional rescue” to these third world people feels rather condescending to boot.
With setting aside the insensitive aspect for Sahara’s refusal to soak in this breathtaking setting and its proud diverse people, the movie’s so-called tension is too transparent in its farfetched mode. There’s no reason to sit at the edge of your seat because the periled predicaments are arbitrarily thrown at the audience without the slightest hint that our heroes may be impacted by such mayhem. If you cannot take this thrill ride seriously then why bother to react to the clueless conflicts that dare to not challenge our untouchable larger-than-life protagonists?
McConaughey’s Dirk Pitt parades around as an overactive pompous pretty boy. He flexes his movie muscles but not much else. And it’s truly amazing how Dirk can brave the harsh elements without once disturbing a well-placed follicle on his head. As Al, Zahn phones in his pithy quips will all the urgency of a third-rate Catskills comedian. Cruz sizzles as the shapely fine-looking physician from an eye candy perspective. Otherwise, her window dressing routine gets tired quickly.
Surprisingly, capable character actors Macy and Lindo are wasted in throwaway supporting roles that could have been reserved for a couple of hand-puppets. Resident villains James and Wilson remind us of lukewarm castoff bad guys plucked from an unscripted Bond film.
This particular Sahara could have used a mouth-watering canteen of credibility in more ways than you can figure on riding a wobbly-legged camel.
Frank Ochieng
(c) Frank Ochieng
2005 
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