The Spy That Figgled Me
01/08/1999 . Source: Jessica Martin 

Film censors worldwide have been getting into a right old tizzy over how to cope with the title of the rude new Austin Powers film - the Spy Who Shagged Me.

After all, you can hardly run with the British translation of what this really means.

Or can you? I mean, how many dick jokes are there? Quite a few, it seems.

In the African country of the Gold Coast, they have opted for the accurate but somewhat naughty, The Spy Who's Manhood Made Me Weep With Its Might.

Iceland - land of blonde goddesses - have plumped for The Spy Who Interested Me, while catholic Spain (who don't normally have trouble with the F-word) have plumped for The Spy Who Serviced Me.

Germany, with their encyclopaedic knowledge of the Karmasutra, have gone for The Secret Missionary Position.

However, many nations just don't seem able to keep it up, if you know what I mean.

France - a country not normally not known for its short supply of bonking politicians or affairs d'amour - has gone for the all too nicey nicey The Spy Who Shot me.

A bit odd, coming from a nation that actually has catching a partner in bed with a lover instated in its legal code as a reasonable plea for murder.

Our chums in Asia scoop the prize for censorship though. Singapore is showing the twee middle-class The Spy Who Spoke Well Of Me, while Malaysia has on its screens The Spy Who Loved Women.

It makes you wonder what the Phantom Menace was translated as over there? Slighty Miffed Dark Robed Threat? Star Wars I: A Little Bit Scary?

Your answers on a postcard please.