Ballard appears, but Harry Potter vanishes?
01/08/2000 . Source: Jessica Martin 

Do you know who J.G. Ballard is? You could be forgiven if you don't.

This British author has never exactly been mainstream, but his quirky science fiction works like the post- apocalypse Drowned World are - in our humble opinion - some of the finest literature of this century.

He's a bit of a recluse ... having last been seen doing a major PR Slut thing - somewhat reluctantly - around the time his semi-autobiographical novel Empire of the Sun was turned into a film by Steven Spielberg.

Well, word now reaches us at Crowsnest Towers that Ballard will be forsaking his shy life of hiding outside of the limelight.

Yes, J.G. is set to open The Word literature festival at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in London.

It's probably a tribute to the author's mainstream prowess that the snooty luvvies are willing to overlook his distasteful forays into science fiction and dark fantasy, and accord him this honor.

I mean, really, genre books, darling. Most the publishing world seem to look at SF as imagination-porn for teenagers.

Anyhow, this fine festival dedicated to 'Real' Literature will run from 22nd September until the 1st October (2000), so any sci-fi fans that dare to show their pimply faces, should do it on the first day to ensure they get a glimpse of our JG Ballard.

Just don't ask him if he's planning to write any share-crop Star Trek novels in the near future !

Now, as one author steps out of the shadows, another seems to be running for cover.

J K Rowling, who of course pens the very well marketed Harry Potter student-as-wizard kiddie books, is doing an impression of Lord Lucan with her announcement that the next Harry Potter books is unlikely to be published until the year 2002.

It's amazing how relaxed you get when a couple of million flops into your bank account, isn't it?

Just ask Douglas Adams next time you see him. Ever since he became minted after doing the Hitchikers Guide to The Galaxy books, his publishing schedule seems to have fallen into a time warp.

Anyway, our theory is this. We reckon that J K Rowling doesn't exist - she's just an actress hired by JD Ballard to bring life to one of his pen-names. I mean, you never see the two of them together, do you?

Obviously, what happened is that JD Ballard wrote the Harry Potter novels to make a few extra quid. When the books became a run-away success, he was forced to do a Remington Steele, and hire someone to do the publicity rounds.

It's all very suspicious.