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Underworld
If a vampire loves a werewolf, where can they set up housekeeping
together? Nowhere. At least not in a world where werewolves and vampires
have fought for a thousand years. Mark discovers a film of non-stop
action and non-start intelligence, with lots of gunplay and the look
of The Matrix.
Underworld
is a mass of contradictions. That is not necessarily a bad thing
in a film. Some very good films are paradoxical. Underworld actually
could be paradoxical if it was better done, but it is just poorly
thought out. This film seems like one long violence episode and
the violence is not even very well done.
It seems that the vampires and the werewolves have been at each
other's throats for nearly a thousand years. Unbeknownst to us in
the real world there is a population of vampires and a population
of werewolves and they are at war with each other. It does not really
matter a whole lot to the plot that they are vampires and werewolves.

With a little rewriting they could easily be two rival street gangs,
or Stalinists and Trotskyites. But then there would not be so much
use for the gore makeup and the CGI effects. The beasties do very
little chewing of each other preferring to use automatic weapons
on each other. There are a lot of automatic weapons in this movie.
There is the frequent staccato of gunfights so totally lacking in
1930s vampire films.
Kate Beckinsale plays Selene, a beautiful vampire
who wears these skin-tight leather outfits. This is the same Kate
Beckinsale who played the comely nurse in PEARL HARBOR. Apparently
she could not resist the urge to play an action hero. She is a "Death
Dealer" which means she earns her daily blood by hunting down werewolves
in a war of attrition between the two armies of monsters.
Selene has to be very careful not to let the world
of humans know of the existence of these two armies in their midst
so when she has a wild gunfight on a subway she keeps everything
very discrete in some way not obvious to the viewer.
As sort of a sort of a secret agent in the war she
sees something that perks her curiosity. There is some strange behavior
on the part of the werewolves involving a human named Michael (Scott
Speedman). Michael is somehow involved in a strange plot involving
vampires and werewolves. (Are there any other kind of plots involving
vampires and werewolves?) The vampire Kraven (Shane Brolly) wants
rule all the vampires and is making deals with (gasp) werewolves.
Selene has to stop him.
In the meantime she is falling in love with the human
Michael who may no longer be human. The result may be the first
love between a vampire and a werewolf, like Romeo and Juliet, but
without any sort of gentle poetry. In fact there is not much in
this film that is gentle. Certainly nothing is gentle that can be
made violent just like nothing is quiet that can be loud. Just about
everything is overdone.
The battles all have wirework and lots of gunfire.
In her battle to stop the evil Kraven (the name just sounds evils,
doesn't it?), Selene has a secret weapon. She can revive the great
ruling vampire, like the King of the Gypsies, to come to her aid.
This is Viktor (Bill Nighy of I CAPTURE THE CASTLE and the upcoming
LOVE ACTUALLY), an age-old vampire powerful but at the same time
decrepit.
About the best thing about UNDERWORLD is its production
design and art direction. The entire look of the film seems to imitate
THE MATRIX with dominant colors being black, gray, and steel blue.
Occasionally there is some muted red added because what is a vampire
film without blood. But the look of the film is far better than
the script.
Many scenes are staged for visual excitement but not
logic. Selene will be running and from nowhere a fist will sock
her on the snoot. Then you will see that it is from an enemy that
she should have been able to see from across the room, but then
there would not have been the exciting scene.
One of my pet peeves from BLADE holds true here.
The vampires seem to be vampires by virtue of a special blood type.
The same goes for the werewolves. That would be okay if they were
purely scientific creatures, but they both have supernatural powers.
There are scenes of both running upside-down on the
ceiling. That is a supernatural power and could not possibly come
from a blood type. The writers should decide if their vampires are
supernatural or preternatural and not confuse the two.
The nice thing about this film is you are never more
than five minutes away from the big dramatic or action scene. If
you go out for popcorn you will miss it. But don't worry, there
will be another one along in another five minutes. And none of these
scenes will be clear in your mind in two hours.
I give UNDERWORLD a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a
low 0 on the -4 to +4 scale.
Mark R Leeper
Copyright (c) Mark R. Leeper
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OTHER CONTENT - November 2003
Chris Moriarty: All in a Spin The science fiction author behind the amazing novel Spin State braves our interviewer's chair. (AUTHOR INTERVIEWS)
Offworld Report - SF: November 2003 Interviews with author Wil McCarthy, the cast of Alias, and the Director of Underworld. Plus criticism of this year's Worldcon in Toronto, the return of Dr Who, and a short science fiction history of the Middle East. (NEWS)
Offworld Report - Weird Science: November 2003 Martial arts robots hit Asia, the day a meteorite crashed through my roof, China sparks a new space race, and life across the stars: they're now betting on the system 37 Gem . (NEWS)
Offworld Report - Comics & Anime: November 2003 X-Men scribe Mark Millar interviewed, the return of the Micronauts, more flipping anthropomorphic animals, plus new G-Saviour, Cowboy Bebop and Melty Lancer. Don't you just love those odd anime titles? (NEWS)
Offworld Report - RPGs and Games: November 2003 A look at The 1920s Investigator's Companion, Werewolf: the Dark Ages, Viking Age, and Stargate SG-1 the role-playing game, plus the question is posed: is live roleplaying on its last legs? Perish the thought. (NEWS)
Cold Creek Manor The creepy contrivance that takes the form of director Mike Figgis's haunted house hokum Cold Creek Manor definitely wants to develop the goose bump response for its anticipating audience. Unfortunately, this stillborn by-the-numbers movie of terror is reductive and just plods along. (FILM REVIEWS)
Kill Bill (Volume One) In the intentionally overwrought and gloriously violent-drenched B-movie actioner Kill Bill Tarantino pours it on thick as he chaotically pays homage to the movie genres that he reveres so deeply - creating a concoction of ubiquitous escapist Asian kung-fu flicks along with a dash of redemptive foreign spaghetti westerns. (FILM REVIEWS)
Underworld If a vampire loves a werewolf, where can they set up housekeeping together? Nowhere. At least not in a world where werewolves and vampires have fought for a thousand years. Mark discovers a film of non-stop action and non-start intelligence, with lots of gunplay and the look of The Matrix. (FILM REVIEWS)
The Torrid Movies of Torcon Mark brings you his impressions of some interesting upcoming movies based on attending the various trailer shows at Torcon 3, aka 2003's World Science Fiction Convention. (FILM REVIEWS)
Does Science Fiction Have to be About the Present? SF author Ken MacLeod has a theory that SF can be more illuminating about the time of its writing than about that of its imagined future. (ARTICLES)
Star Trek Enterprise: Anomaly Seeing the episode title "Anomaly" set off a few dozen alarms for our Evan. The title is reminiscent of the lowest form of storytelling we all saw so commonly on Voyager. Did it disappoint? Read on ... (TV REVIEWS)
Star Trek Enterprise: Exile This is the first episode of the season that is utterly devoid of any Trip/T'Pol scenes, at least in the romantic sense. Maybe that's one of the reasons our Evan loved it so much. What, no sensual T'Pol scenes? Forgetaboutit. (TV REVIEWS)
Star Trek Enterprise: Extinction In "Extinction," a sterile alien race, which is now extinct, creates a metagenic virus that has the effect of changing all other humanoid lifeforms into their own species. As far as originality goes, Evan reckons this episode gets a fairly average grade. (TV REVIEWS)
Star Trek Enterprise: Impulse Evan ponders whether this episode indicates that the show's reached a point where a continuing storyline can only go so far before involving the main characters in interesting and personal ways. Why? Well, poor old T'Pol is carted into sickbay, and she's obviously pushed way past the edge of sanity and into the realm of the truly psychotic. (TV REVIEWS)
Star Trek Enterprise: Rajiin This ep's premise appeared to be that the Enterprise was to take on a beautiful woman, who would use erotic and hypnotic powers to entice the crew. Evan thought we were in for another variation on "Precious Cargo," but he was pleasantly surprised. (TV REVIEWS)
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