| Catwoman In
watching the curvy Oscar-winning Halle Berry don the skin tight suit in the sassy
anti-superhero saga Catwoman, one must admit that this special eye candy is something
that cannot be denied. And director Pitof does in fact lend this picture its glossy
and mysterious allure in a unique manner that’s inescapable to ignore. Beyond
these couple of minor observations, this cosmetic kitty with the conflicting personality
doesn’t quite cut it as the escapist comic caper it could have been.
Catwoman (2004) Warner Brothers
1 hour
30 minutes.
Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert Wilson, Sharon
Stone, Frances Conroy, Alex Borstein. Director: Pitof
 In
watching the curvy Oscar-winning Halle Berry don the skin tight suit in the sassy
anti-superhero saga Catwoman, one must admit that this special eye candy is something
that cannot be denied. And director Pitof does in fact lend this picture its glossy
and mysterious allure in a unique manner that's inescapable to ignore. Beyond
these couple of minor observations, this cosmetic kitty with the conflicting personality
doesn't quite cut it as the escapist comic caper it could have been.
Let's just say that Berry's wily whiskers as the conniving feline femme fatale
were played by predecessors armed with better material on a smaller stage. Berry
truly has the bouncy body and sensual soul to portray this hot-blooded hairball
heroine. However, the likes of past kitten cuties Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Lee
Meriweather, and Michelle Pffeiffer need not worry about losing any sleep over
Berry's coveted role as the calculating top cat. 
It's
really unfair to saddle all the blame on Berry for this tepid and tired movie
that has all the appeal of a box of stale Tender Vittles. The fingers (in this
case the paws) should be pointed at John Brancato and Mike Ferris who have trouble
making Berry's viable vixen come alive in a stilted story that feels needlessly
generic. As mentioned previously, Pitof helms a movie that looks good on the outside
but there's much to be desired as far as the pedestrian direction is concerned.
Berry plays Patience Phillips, a put upon graphic artist struggling
to get by to make ends meet. She toils for the Hedare Beauty company,
a seedy outfit dealing in cosmetics. Patience's boss is a villainous
cad named George Hedare (Lambert Wilson). His partner-in-crime is
his bitter wife Laurel (Sharon Stone), an attractive but aging fortysomething
with a major chip on her shoulder. As a tandem, the ruthless couple
diligently creates a cream product that bucks the aging process
- they call it Beau-line and it needs to be applied on the face
daily in order for it to work its inexplicable magic. However, the
unpredictable Beau-line has its faulty setbacks and that can never
be a good sign for marketing strategies for the company, now can
it?
Unfortunately for meek employee
Patience, she stumbles upon this secret and her safety is jeopardized. Soon she
is extinguished by her shady superiors and left to perish alone
in darkness. Patience is magically revived thanks to a mysterious Egyptian cat
named Midnight. Curiously, this critter happens to have some mystical powers and
transfers it into Patience's limp frame. And thus the Catwoman is born!
Eventually, Patience (as well as the audience) is educated about the histrionics
of her incredible cat-like mystique from cat lady Ophelia (Frances Conroy from
HBO's critically acclaimed drama Six Feet Under). More importantly, Patience adopts
a more confident and brasher attitude as she is able to express her frustrations
in her newly purrrr-fect persona. With a skimpy leather clad wardrobe accompanied
by a whip and an impish impulse to match, Patience/Catwoman is a force not to
be messed around with as she quickly makes her presence known. This
masked hissing hellcat is out to pounce on those whom she deems undesirable. And
yes, retaliation is in her blood as she looks forward to being reunited with the
Hedares, particularly that egomaniac ice queen Laurel who needs to be put down
a couple of notches or so.
Things begin to get somewhat complicated
when hunky police hotshot Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt) enters the picture. He's assigned
to get to the bottom of putting a permanent collar on the elusive colorful purring
pixie in an effort to curve her criminal ways. But little does Lone realize is
that his romantic interest in Patience is in fact a double edge sword as he is
bedding down the roguish radiant enemy he seeks to bring to justice. Maybe
we are missing something here but why can't Lone put two and two together and
realize that his ebony princess Patience may in fact be the same brown sugar bombshell
that's prancing around town in an S&M costume while demonstrating some catty
behavior? What's fooling him about Patience as compared to the crafty Catwoman
in terms of ethnicity, body size, voice patterns, etc.? Hmmm, it must be the pointy
ears on Catwoman's masked head that's doing the trick, huh?
The handlers
behind Catwoman failed miserably in coughing up a spry premise that could have
given Batman's badass babe nemesis a cult following to enjoy in her own distinctive
movie series. Sadly, this first-time experiment is lacking the cohesive sense
to tell a solid structured story that's interesting in its offbeat skin. But Pitof,
a French editor/filmmaker with a sturdy background in graphic design and former
director in commercials/ads, fortifies his movie with the liveliness of snappy
images and drowns his neglected narrative in rousing tunes that would make any
music video sulk with envy.
Although there's no doubt that Catwoman has the flashiness
that captures the naked eye, this exposition is exceedingly empty-minded
in tone and motivation. Technically, the movie is a constant display
of overwrought filmmaking tactics - excessive jump cuts, annoying
camera angles, unnecessary close up shots, etc. It's as if Pitof's
exaggerated style of presenting this pulsating package was a desperate
effort to skim over the lack of an involving storyline for something
more sensational and catchy.
The film's star
Berry undeniably has the brains and beauty to make this particular sexpot a soaring
personality that registers in the mindset of this jousting kitty caper. But again,
the film's frivolous focus doesn't give her anything challenging to hang her hat
on. There's never really any true sense of conflict or durable angst that would
make us feel for Berry's Catwoman or her alter ego Patience Phillips for that
matter. For instance, if her torment was as legitimate as Peter Parker in Spider-Man
then we could understand her lashing out with more conviction and cynicism. Who
can identify with feeling sorry for a soft-spoken gorgeous gal? Plus, we never
even see Patience try to struggle with her newfound talent as the skillful Catwoman
despite her current apprehensive mode as the hesitant honeybun Patience.
As for the love story aspect of Berry's Patience/Catwoman and Bratt's clueless
cop Tom Lone, this romantic subplot is about as wooden as a park bench. Their
union is not titillating enough nor is it convincing to the point that we care
about these attractive souls playing footsies without acknowledging how their
bond may be disrupted by adversity in the long run. The juiced
up confrontations between Berry's Catwoman and Stone's wickedly mature blonde
bombshell Laurel Hardare has its impish moments of camp at times but these gimmicky
fight scenes become tiresome after a while. And having Alex Borstein (late from
Fox television's Mad TV) play a cute chubby sidekick to Berry's gloomy good-looking
Patience feels like a wasted ploy to show how 'regular' this pretty gal is in
her doomed misery.
Maybe some will excuse the cartoonish aura of the
plagued Catwoman and simply dismiss it as a flimsy fantasy meant to bring a sense
of easy entertainment to the masses. And that's fine if this high-strung cheesy
offering is something that you can digest along with putting edible catnip on
your crackers.
However, this vacuous vehicle is certainly not acceptable
for an Oscar-winning actress to slum around in especially when her
credibility as an adventurous performer is at stake. Halle, forget
the dreary days of BAPS, The Rich Man's Wife, Swordfish and Gothika
- you're in the big leagues now.
With the inconceivable Catwoman added to your film resume
Halle, you'll be itching for the bothersome flea-ridden film choices to abandon
your memory bank altogether. Talking about going by the cat's meow!
Frank
Ochieng (c) Frank Ochieng 2004. All rights
reserved.
| |
OTHER CONTENT - October 2004
Andrew Fox Interview
A conversation with Andrew Fox author of Bride of the Fat White Vampire.
(AUTHOR INTERVIEWS)
Juliet E. McKenna Interview
October sees the launch of the first volume in a new series - The Aldabreshin Compass - from fantasy author Juliet E. McKenna. So we scooted down to Oxford to pose her a few questions amidst the spires and students.
(AUTHOR INTERVIEWS)
Translating Fantasy and Science Fiction : The Peak of Creativity
We all know that many of the most loved science fiction and fantasy authors' work is admired worldwide, but little do we know about the people who made it possible for them to become so well-known. Apart from the people involved in publishing there are quite a lot of other professionals without whom it wouldn't have been possible. These are the translators.
(ARTICLES)
Horror Writer Barbara J. Ferrenz Interviewed
What's worse than death? On the one hand, it's the title of a novel by school psychologist and writer Barbara J. Ferrenz of Dunkirk, MD. On the other hand, maybe it's better never to know.
(AUTHOR INTERVIEWS)
Alien vs. Predator
Director Paul W.S. Anderson serves up a meager monster mash spectacle that borders on the silly-minded and slimy by sizing up the terrorizing tag-team of creature feature cads Alien and the Predator in the obviously titled scarefest Alien vs. Predator.
(FILM REVIEWS)
Catwoman
In watching the curvy Oscar-winning Halle Berry don the skin tight suit in the sassy anti-superhero saga Catwoman, one must admit that this special eye candy is something that cannot be denied. And director Pitof does in fact lend this picture its glossy and mysterious allure in a unique manner that’s inescapable to ignore. Beyond these couple of minor observations, this cosmetic kitty with the conflicting personality doesn’t quite cut it as the escapist comic caper it could have been.
(FILM REVIEWS)
Exorcist: The Beginning
The scattershot incompleteness to Renny Harlin’s ill-advised follow-up to William Friedkin’s classic creep show is evident in the flimsy frightfulness of the overwrought and putrid prequel Exorcist: The Beginning. For those that had to endure inferior sequels to Friedkin’s twisted and treasured pea soup-regurgitating nightmarish narrative (read: Exorcist: The Heretic), they may yearn more for this sluggish supernatural tale to end as opposed to embracing its so-called Beginning.
(FILM REVIEWS)
The Village
One expected a terrific output from immensely talented writer-director M. Night Shyamalan concerning his latest supernatural saga The Village. Unfortunately for the normally resilient filmmaker, The Village is a meandering and morbid chiller that is a labored muddy vision of Shyamalan’s usual insightful and involving hedonism.
(FILM REVIEWS)
Offworld Report: Science Fiction and Fantasy: October 2004
Interviews with Jack Dann, Ian R MacLeod, Larry Niven, China Mieville and the stars of Stargate and Sky Captain, why fantasy novelists are the new thing, Noreascon reports and The Andromeda Strain heads for a remake.
(NEWS)
Offworld Report: Weird Science: October 2004
NASA finds a Ring World, the space elevator is abandoned, robot spiders, the mystery radio signal isn't aliens calling in, hydrogen fuel gets realistic, and lunar advertising - coming to a moon near you soon?
(NEWS)
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